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long time…

And today…

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This special pre-launch offer is valid only till the launch day,
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==> http://www.hellokittymalaysia.com

If you’re reading this blog post too late, then you may have missed it.
Don’t leave a comment to complain because there’s nothing I can do.
I DID tell you it’s a limited offer

真相正在揭晓的阶段

没行了。这也证明，这一切都是错觉，过去的回忆在脑海里徘徊造成的错觉。
也证明了，一些都不能回到过了。也是证明种种的问题。因为他已结婚了。
这也证明了，我应该更爱我现任男朋友（我有啊）。也证明了，他就是那唯一，我该专注的人。
如果真的能让我选择，我真的不想再回来着伤心之地。因为这里也是错觉与忧郁的起因。

下着雨的新年

我外表看似刚强，但不能干部代表我内心不软弱。要装得若无其事确实难，但这是必要的。

如果能给我选择，我真的很想永远都不会来这伤心之地。每当回来，只会让我更胡思乱想，让我更烦恼，更伤心，脾气更暴躁。难道说，谈了多久恋爱，分手了，就要用谈了多久恋爱的时间来忘掉？这理论真的当真？

这地方，就是让我忧郁的开始。好不容易去了一个较远的地方读书，我才慢慢的开朗了起来。可是也必不得已，谁叫我生在此处。每当放假就得回来，不回又被唠叨。而一回来，就无聊半死，还得承受那该死的痛。悲哀啊。

我真的好像封闭自己，真的好像独自一人。真的真的不想再回来，以免这种悲哀的思绪一直纠缠着我...... 农历新年，就因种种原因而弄垮了我对农历新年的盼望与兴奋。

2012, the NEW YEAR

WOW, it seems pretty long time I did not update my blog. Until a friend of my requested me to update just now, sort of.

Be honest I'm kinda lazy to update my blog last few months. And I really can't remember what i had busied of till i lazy to update my blog.

So what i should start of???

2012 is another new year. Well, it is another new year to set some goals for the year. And also another new start. Means we should continue to move on from past. What has past yet past.
And end of the year, it is always a good moment to reflect ourselves throughout what we did in the whole year.

When i look back to 2011, for the whole year, sometimes i feel grateful, sometimes i feel happy, and of course angry and sad.

Family:
2011- Sometimes we quarreled, sometimes we friend.
2012- But when comes to 2012, and when i got back home since holiday now for few months, i'm kinda surprise that i can mix well with them now. And also, i realize i really miss my youngest brother. So far having a great time with my family.

Friendships:
2011- Well, friend list no. still growing. What i mean is not the friend list in Facebook but in real life. It is good to know more people. In 2011, i somehow sometimes still feel helpless when i really need help. Haiz... Then some people, selfish, sen kah, etc. Really makes you beh tahan and wanna explode. BOOM! But I also happy i knew bunch of friends that they really good.
Some good friends left, kinda sad also. Well, they need move on wad.
Some good friends changed, which really made me sad and felt disappointed. Was thinking, last time we used to hang out together in a group. But now, they totally changed to certain level that i felt like i no longer know them.
Some friends left/cut out from my friend list.
Some friends made you feel like punching them.
Etc........

Study:
2011- Study so far so good. Was in the 1st year for degree. Knew some new friends also, still, I can't never have my own groups of friends in school, means random. =.=''' Experienced a lot also, studied a lot also. Recently, around end of November 2011, i had my final exam. I didn't really do well in it. End up, i failed one of the subjects. Kinda disappointed. But during the re-sit exam which fall in Jan 2012, before i came back to hometown, i thanked God for His wisdom, strength, presence and protection during my exam, that i able to do well, at least better than before.

Relationship:
2011- Well, this one for sure always good one. Haha.... Around end of October 2011, we celebrated our 1st anniversary. That day itself had sweet moment and also some moment which made you blasted. Well, still thanked God for the whole year that He had blessed and be with us in this relationship. At here once again, I really thanks God for this man, this Mr.Right, that he so loves me. In this relationship, I not only experience his love, but His love as well. Sometimes feel like i'm not only pak toh with him, but also with Him? Hahaha....
Talk about him, sometimes really make you feel like jumping or dancing around because you happy, sometimes make you feel like banging your head to the wall or jumping around like an angry and mad guy(zat zat tiu-cantonese). Whatever he does, he happy, i happy; he angry, i angry. But the good thing of all these are, the love and happiness in this relationship is far more than anger and sadness.
Experienced a sweet simple love as well.
Sometimes, all these reminded me of what had happened in my past few years before i met my Mr.Right. Everything in the past is a hurting in my life. I have to confessed, some of the things that happened in the past few years, until now, i still can't forget. It is too deep. Guess this has became a forever-scar in my heart. How i wish i never met them, or just a particular him, a guy which had hurt me deeply in past few years.
But still, all these can never stop me from pursuing my happiness with my Mr.Right. He has become part of my life. What if my life without him one day, i don't think i can be as happy as now. He is everything to me. A good leader, a good lover, a good hugger, a good caring person, a good laughter/joker.
Thank you my love,i love you so much and looking forwards for the future which have you there be with me.

Work:
Since I'm having holiday from Decemeber 2011 til end of March 2012, means i have 4 months holiday. That is really a long long long holiday. I decided to work part time for church. So far i felt happy to serve God, not only serving Him by doing usher but also work for Him. So far so good. Well, came back hometown for a month. Then will go back to work again for another one and a half month.

Er..... I really can't think of anything to write le. 2011, spent a lot money, watched a lot good movies, ate a lot nice food, that's why now my mum complaining that im fat. I'm not fat at all. Urgh!

Anyway, looking forward to 2012.

Hope this year more things happen which can make my life more colorful so that i can update my blog all the time. Hahaha...

God bless.

贪心

我发觉我对爱情越来越贪心了。

Discouraged

I am nothing. I'm just nothing.

June June June...... Tsk tsk tsk......

Time flies. Out of sudden,it is already middle of the month,also middle of the year.
Previously really busy with assignments and study. All I can say June is really a pack month.
Half way doing revision,feel like blogging. Hmm....
Since the last updates i made till now,there is a lot of things happened.
Hardly say it all here,maybe just few will do.
Why not talk about last last week?? That was a busy week. The whole week was sleepless week. All i did was just do my assignments until 5 in the morning and woke up around 8-10am and started to do my assignments again. Well,I did made it on time. Thanks God.
Darling also came back on that week as he went to KK for recording and DEYC. Everything gone well. Then the following weekend. It was a fantastic, exciting and a weekend which fulled of joy and happiness. Guess what?? On Saturday itself,11th June, my cousin getting married, and also friends of ours in our church getting married as well,on the same day. Congratulations to both pairs of married couples.
Really enjoy the day itself,and was wondering,when will it be my turn??? Guess it would long way to go.
Then 12th June,ya,it was my darling's birthday. Since a month ago,i actually started to plan for the birthday celebration. That time, i was very excited to do so. Somehow,things still did not turn it right and most of the things did not go according plans. So end up,i had to switch plan. Well,on that night itself,luckily things went according to new plan.
To be honest,I'm kinda disappointed at first for certain things. Guess it was a good lesson for me as well. But what has done yet done.
After that day,the whole week,was my study week. A week for me to study for my final exam,which i has to face it later afternoon. I felt that I really wasted my whole week,because i really didn't study much due to can't concentrate and too into facebook. This is so called the "power" of Facebook. =='''
Kinda nervous,because I'm totally blank now. And my aim is to pass all the subjects and get min. CGPA=2.00.
Bible always said that if you have faith on God,miracles will happen. Some more,last weekend pastor just preached about Why Worry? Means we should not worry for other things,uphold everything to God. Yes,I understand. But,seriously,I really can't help myself not to worry. Because if i felt,1.i might re-sit the paper which is harder and the marks is given in their own way. 2.I might need to re-take that particular subject in 2nd semester. 3.i might cannot proceed to 2nd semester. 3 possibilities if i did not do well in my final exam. I really wish that later in exam,God will show me the miracles. Lord,please...... I really need Your wisdom and strength. Haiz....
I always wish that time can fly to Friday because that is the day my holiday started and also we are going to Ipoh,again,for my darling's concert. But somehow,i really need time,to study,to suffer basically. Argh......
Something suddenly comes in my mind,i remembered that i heard some heartbroken story. It is really unbelievable. Yet,it reminded me of what had happened to me last year. A lesson which can never forget. I was wondering a lot of things. I'm still learning to forgive. But if let say one day he dares to turn to me and apologize and tell me the truth,i actually can simply forgive him. Because hating or unforgiving someone actually burden you. It is like a dead knot in heart. Just pray God will continue to be with me and those broken heart people.
Lord,I really need you a lot now. Help me~~!

The month which started in Ipoh

The night of 31st of March,darling brought me and Sam to Ipoh. I admitted that i was very exciting because I finally can visit Ipoh,and of course meet darling's parents and his youngest brother. When we reached there,uncle and aunt brought us to eat dinner. Ipoh food,nice and cheap,really worth it.

Why we go Ipoh? Because my dear has to do opening for Jonathan Tse's I'm Alive concert. So we went. Well,we stayed there for 3 days 3 nights. It was an interesting trip. Why? I got to travel Ipoh,tasted Ipoh's food,met darling's family and friends,visited his ex-school.

Ipoh is the place where my darling born and grew up. I am happy that i get to come and know and feel the place where he is from,it is a memorable place for him. And i can felt that how much he miss his hometown when he at in other place living and working. Other than that,i can felt that his family is quite nice and happy. Though i just stayed there for few days,i have to admit that after i came back yesterday,i really started to miss there. The life there is as simple as my hometown. The benefit of town. Really enjoyed myself there.

Saturday was the concert. Got to help out to sell Jonathan's and Tim's cds. During the concert,though was the same testimonies that Jon shared like last time when he was in our church for his concert too,i felt that God is calling me back. Oh Lord,thank you for this wonderful trip.

Yesterday got back PJ safely. Well,i really miss Ipoh. But things started to come back again. Sometimes i do question myself,how good am I. I'm not that good actually. Can't help out a lot,still like a 3-year-old child. What else i can do? Just hoping everything going fine,especially my darling. Haiz.... Really have to pray gao gao,put more faith and be cheerful. ><

Anyway,April is really not a fool,God did bless me a lot. Thank you God for starting my April nice. =)

未来

已三月了。这个月突然想起好多关于未来的事。也许是过去的影响，造成现在的我会不停的又积极的去追寻如何实践未来的方式与肯定。也许是我属于那些比较容易没安全感的人吧。我也知道未来永远都是个未知数，也不能催促。可是又试问，我们又剩下多少个十年呢？
我会紧张，不是怕死嫁不出或什么，而是如果不早规划未来的人生，短短的几年就会在一眨眼间过去。因为未来有人说长，其实也不那么长。
这次和以前已不再一样。这份可贵的礼物，我一定要好好珍惜。就因如此，我才会那么迫不及待的开始规划。有计划，在过程中就不会浪费时间。有计划，才会有一股推动力去推动你实行。
有计划，也当然要有承诺。但承诺并不是说要许就能随便许下。因为承诺也可以带来伤害。承诺，能许，但条件是一定要做到。有心无力也是没用，因为你有心而不去实行。
我告诉自己，这份礼物，我已锁定了。这是真的难得的礼物，因为不仅是我眼里觉得他是完美的，而且他是上帝所次我的礼物。这都是主的恩赐与恩典。就凭这点，这都已足于证明这一切是最珍贵最完美，最值得付出的。
话说回来今天离我所说的未来，会很久吗？这未来，又会如我所愿的那样成真吗？

I am ugly

Haiz....kinda sleepy right now,had insomnia for two nights. This is crazy!!! Insomnia is killing and torturing me!!! This morning woke up,quite energetic that time. But after 4 or 5 hours,i started to feel sleepy and tired again. Side-effect of insomnia. Apalah ni. Well when i was at church, i was told by a friend of mine that she couldn't recognise me when she saw me and how come i prettier? Lol.... This is what i can only give.

Am I really pretty? I admit i'm don't look bad,but i admit that i'm not pretty as those pretty and sexy chicks. Though im look ok,still,i feel i'm very ugly.

I am ugly. I found this out yesterday in church. When I look at the mirror,i wore nicely,but i am ugly. I was wondering. Why?? Yesterday was Jonathan Tse's concert. He shared some messages,and we sang respond song,Amazing Grace. There,I found out the reason why I am ugly. I cried.

I am ugly,because of my ugly past.
I am ugly,because of the sin I did.

Yet,i feel do not deserve him. Sorry dear. He said he doesn't mind,because everything is a new start. Indeed,it is. But i feel unfair for you because my past,my dear. The truth is,i really love him.

It is also the same,i do not deserve Him too,our Father God. By all His grace,yet,i know,not matter how unworthy,still God loves us. He sacrificed His only son Jesus Christ to die on cross for our sin. How great is this love. God,indeed,you are the most amazing and wonderful God. By His grace,i was provided and blessed by God. One of it is the relationship I having now. I'm thankful for everything He gave,blessed and protected. Thank you God.

And thanks,darling,for everything. Your love,your embrace......

After Jonathan Tse's concert,this song keeps on playing in my mind. I remember when I was in Sunday School,we used to sing that. I Have Decided.

I have decided...to follow Jesus...
I have decided...to follow Jesus...
I have decided...to follow Jesus...
No turning back...no turn...ing back......

Christian's life never easy. And everything that gone through and past,there is no turning point. Yet,live in Godly way,follow God,and continue to move on.

Yes,I am ugly. I have decided to follow God. And I know God is moving,I am moving,my life is changing. All these are because of our Almighty God. Hallelujah.

Almost end of February

It has been months I didn't update my blog. Well,so far so good. Just felt that wasted my February as last few weeks I're having my holiday in my hometown and only sit in front of my laptop everyday. Argh.

Well,it is happy and excited that I've came back to PJ. Miss my dear so much within that 3 weeks. Keep on counting how many days left till the day i come back. Yes,I'm back,last Saturday. Yay!!!

The next day,Sunday,had a belated Valentine's date with my darling. Thanks,dar. I enjoyed the night. He brought me to Garden at 1-Utama for dinner. Nice food, nice atmosphere, nice piano. Everything so romantic and it is like still Valentine's Day. Like people always says,for couples,everyday is Valentine's Day. Then,we went for movie,Green Hornet. It was not as bad as people comment and rate it. The way Jay Chou act and English that he spoke quite impress me. Jay Chou,well done,finally you know how to speak English. Hoping for nice movie and nice songs from you in future.

Monday,I'm kinda excited and can't wait to go back to university to register for my degree. After took my result,i was told to go to the Admission counter to go through my result approval. You know why? My CGPA got 2.30,and the required credit is 2.33. Man,just 0.03 different. They said have to wait for 2-3 days,and my housemates told me to wait until after the orientation week. Argh. Miss out the orientation week,but another extra week for me to settle down. Yet,I can say,I'm still worrying that will they allow me to further my degree. Most of them said that it is possible to further.

Still,God,help me. I have faith in You. Like what bishop had preached last Saturday. Must have faith in God. Nothing is impossible when you believe and have faith in God. You have faith,but you doubt,it is same as you not trust God. So,believe and trust it will all your heart. I believe this. God has His plan for every single person. We must walk in FAITH.

That night,we went to watch Yogi Bear. It is a nice movie too. Darling said that it is good that I choose to watch it because Yogi Bear makes me happy when i'm stress that time. Dear,you right. At least I'm relax a bit.

Yesterday,Wednesday,went to darling's house to cook lunch. Well,I'm happy with what i cooked. And my dear and his housemate enjoyed it too. Thanks for support. Haha... Night then,we had prayer meeting at church. Through the prayer meeting,I realized that in our daily life,there is a lot of things that we seldom or never pray for. And of course,last night we had the opportunity to pray for it. I'm glad that everyone and the church is moving and growing. Thanks God. Praise to You!

Aha,one thing,quite excited that darling is going to record the 1st song for his 2nd album later evening. Yay!!! Can't wait to listen and buy and get his autograph again for his 2nd album. Haha... Yes,I mean. Wish you all the best dear. Gambatte. I'll always support you.

Now,still looking forward some positive updates for my degree registration. Hope that everything run smoothly and i manage to further my degree. And also hope that one day I can follow my dear to go to his concert. Can't wait for that. Just uphold everything to God's almighty hand. =)

Bye bye 2010,Hi hi 2011

Few hours ago just entered 2011. Yeah! Should be happy. Last night was the first time I celebrated New Year Eve in FCC. Wow...it was a fruitful and meaningful night. We celebrated through prayer meeting. During the prayer meeting,when we prayed,a lot of things started to flashback in my mind again. Throughout the whole year,I really been through a lot of things that I never expected or things that i wished not happen. End up,it still. Some sort of misery coming back. Well,yes,most of the things I been through were quite sad,unfortunate and sad. I lost a lot of things...... But I admitted that 2010 was a fruitful and interesting year. Why? God entered my life and I felt His presence. Before I came here to study,I know a bit about God and my faith in God was not that strong. And also a lot of things that I couldn't overcome. After I came here,I started to go FCC. I learned a lot of things basically and I came to know God more. The faith kept growing. And a lot of things which i couldn't overcome,finally now I can overcome. Happy that I could see God really changing my life. I once lost,as mentioned,but I was found,and God restored me for the things I lost. God loves me so much. And I just want to give thanks. It is hard to describe in words. Thank you Father God for the wonderful 2010,thank you Father God that You let so many things happened in previous year so that I learn and grow from it,thank you Father God that take away and restore me for what I lost,thank you Father God that You blessed me and gave me a wonderful relationship,etc. So many things to give thanks. Father God,pray that may Your presence always be with me.
New year,new day,new life,new plan,new aim,new phone,new age,new...etc.
During prayer meeting,I had set a wishlist or aims for 2011. Hopefully I can make it.
Wishlist:
1.I can make it and succeed in my study
2.Have a fruitful and happy relationship and continue to grow in it
3.I can plan and manage things well
4.Plan for future(relationship)
5.Serve God more(that's one of the way to give thanks to God)
6.Forgive those who I haven't forgive(hope this can overcome it as soon as possible)
Happy New Year everyone. Enjoy the new year and the new life. And also continue to glorify His name. =)

Special one,a special gift from God

Haha... I mentioned in previous post that I will talk about this in next post. Ya. Special one. It was quite a period ago,something bad happened to me. What a disgrace. Anyway,I learnt from the mistakes,I learnt from this "tribulation". I guess God let this happened purposely. Anyway,thanks God that He loves me so much. He allowed it happened as to test and let me learn from it,He still keep on protect and love me though. Thank you,Father God. Of course,I did not lose but I gained,in experience,faith and also relationship with God. After quite a period after that matter,God blessed me with someone special. Hehe... Well,he is special as who he is. A person who is devoted to God,has dream and will plan for future,talented,caring,etc. Haha....Too many,have no idea to write out all. We have the same thing to aim in future. Well,I guess that is one of the points which we started together recently. Hehe... God blessed me with a new relationship too. Thank you,Father God. After this relationship started,of course,I did learn a lot too,for instance,love. We learn together,grow together. We do have faith in each other,and of course,we do love each other very much,as our love towards each other increase everyday. Hmm... Feels like this is a special relationship that I never had before.
Father God always surprise me.^^
Father God,thank you for the gifts that You gave. I pray that Father God,You will continue to protect and bless our relationship,and also lead us to the way that You want us to go together. Use us to glorify Your name as well. Thank you,Father God.
I hope that this will be my last relationship and hope that we can hold our hands together till the end of the day. Maybe it sounds like I'm daydreaming or too naive,but then,this is what I want,a pure and simple love and happiness from beloved one. Love you,always. ^_^♥♥♥

Long Monday...

Monday always a long long long long day to go. It sounds like an endless day. Argh...
Today I don't know what happened to me. The thought of changing course keep on appears in my mind which makes me so want to change course NOW. Change course it's not easy too as you have to consider a lot,college,condition,tuition fees,for instance. Well,I'm still very confuse that should I change my course or continue to study it. I thought to change to psychology. Study person's behavior is one of the things I interested in. But then,how about my aim? I do have aims of course,which is to build a special building and house for special one. Hehe... We talk about that special one in another post. Back to topic. I more interested in study psychology compare to architecture. But then,what if i do not interested in psychology again after study it??? It sounds like 3 minutes for things that I do then. God,show me the way You want me to go. Or maybe I should decide it after I finished my foundation course. If I could not pass my foundation course and further degree,I will change immediately. If I passed,then bo ben lo. God,I uphold everything to You,please show me the way. Amen.

Father God sets me free when I am stress.

Just now,I was so stress. Why? When I draw,even traced it,I found out I can't even draw!I did pray to God before I start drawing. Then I start draw,but can't. I started to struggle and stress. I felt like wanna give up in studying this course. I so wanna quit. But I can't do so. Then I find my friend,somehow,it seems like nothing else could help me. I posted a post in my wall. And some of my friends started to comment on it. I find another friend of mine,then we started to our point of view. He then recommended me a friend which I just knew last Saturday. He did give me some advises. In the meanwhile when we did all these,I suddenly cried. I cried not because I'm stress,it is because I felt God is there with me all the time! It is hard to describe in words how are those feelings feel like. Those feelings are too strong which caused me started to cry. Father God,thank you. I must admit that Father God is always beside me and in my heart. My share group leader and other members in FCC ever said that must have faith in God,miracles will happen then. It is true. It is so true. Why I say so? Wherever I go,whatever I doing,God is here with me,24/7. He never leave me for even half of the second! He protects me every time,He blesses my everyday life,He let me learn and grow through all things that happened in my life no matter how bad it is. Father God so loves me. I'm so touch and can't stop crying,seriously. The feelings is so strong. Father God,thank you for Your grace and mercy. Thank you for everything that You granted me. Thank you everything that You gave me. Thank you so much.

PS: Friends of mine,if you always blaming this and that in your life,do you ever think of the reasons why things happen? Seek for God's help,rely Him more and more,and also have faith in Him. Read more bible too,so we know what God wants to tell us. How wonderful and beautiful He is.^^

Thank you,Father,the most wonderful God.^^

我回来了

放了一个月多的假，终于也到了个尾声。一个月，说来长不长，短不短，不长不短。就在这短短的一个月里，确实感受了很多、体验了很多、想了很多、发生了很多的事。回来家乡的同时，是带着一个沉重的心情回来。事情每天不断地在演变，让人摸不着。回来了，我的家。因之前发生太多事，就想说回到来，就静静地，享受和度过一个宁静又轻松的假期。但事情没想得那么天真。事情还未结束，因还未解决。才回到来不到几天，却急着想回去大学生活的地方。为求的只是想尽快解决当时遇到的烦恼.事情闹得那么僵，我们之间也开始有距离。该相信他或不，是件很矛盾的事情。虽然口口声声说不相信他的一切（那是对自己残忍，好让自己不继续爱下去的方式），但到头来，还是傻傻的相信他。是自己在给希望自己，还是太心软？因此,也就emo了三个星期。三个星期？！哇靠。既然彼此都答应了对方某些事，我就暂时不再提。又过了一阵子，他音讯全无。想说找找他。却没想到他发生了一些事。觉得自己真的很没用，因为自己帮不了他，而且也不能在他身边陪着他，支持他。真失败......烦恼从不曾离开过我，反而越来越多。肩膀好重......假期放完了，也回来了。本来带着一颗很期待的心回来。可是会到来，把所有东西做完了。约定好的，却被放空。找不到人，我又能说什么？想坚持，但很累。我现在又能怎样？我回来了，不是一直被期待的吗？他现在又在何处？T_T原来去到哪都那么痛苦......

星期日晚上至星期一早晨

昨晚，跟你又说了那么一大堆的事，不晓得你是否有把它放在心里或仔细想想。当我问起你一些事，你却给我一些因为她而作为理由的时候，我承认，当时我很失落，很心酸。心酸的不是什么，而是你始终放不下。而且，突然见你问我，是否还在等着你，我答是。我在想，你为什么想知道，毕竟你是不会在乎，也不会感觉得到的，不是吗？你心中就只有她。感觉上现在好像放弃，因为开始觉得累......是因为失败导致我累，还是我坚持的信念不够？昨晚对你说要睡了，我却很冷淡地和你说声晚安。我不是想对你冷淡或什么，而是在告诉自己，这么做，我才能轻易放手。我很想放手，可我心还未死。这几个星期也许不该再烦你，这么一来，可能你会想得比较开吧。晚一些，我无意间发现，我很久没浏览前男友的fb profile。浏览后，我竟然哭了。为什么会这样...？我已没有再想他，没有再爱他，也已放为下了他。可是为什么会哭？是因为他在我心留下的伤疤吗？还是潜意识我根本还没彻底放下他？是为什么...？
今早起来，就如往常一样，忙准备上学。出门时，我竟然忘了拿钥匙出，结果反锁了房间，得叫房东来开门。赶时间的关系，被逼不把朋友叫醒开门出。Sorry,Penny,disturbed you sleep.在巴士上，我就想，今天我不会找你，所以我一定要做到。唯有对自己残酷一点，才能够放手。可是我心里真的在叫我放手吗？去到了学院，却没怎么上课，就如往常一样，上网。讲师来跟我们讨论了我们的assignment后，回到电脑前，奇怪，msn怎么亮了灯，该不会就真的是你吧？？结果是真的。唉......失败了。不用紧，还有明天。再接再厉。我可以的。只要我要做的事，没人阻挡得了我。

有你的早晨

今天起得特别早，完全不用闹钟，可能是睡不着吧。一大早就只想打我的部落。还好没把你吵醒。我想了一整夜，我，是否真的抱太多希望？我是否在怀疑我对你的爱？突然感觉好累好累......是因为我不懂得再爱，还是我意志不够坚定，还是我自欺欺人？要你忘了她，确实需要时间，但是你始终好像不肯放手。有时候看到你，会感到心酸。我告诉过自己我会坚持，我也很努力的在拼。可是我觉得我好像还在路的尾端，而你就在前段。是我跑得太慢，还是你跑得太快，还是我再后退，还是我本来就原地不动？当你睡着靠在我肩膀时候，感觉很幸福但又心酸。看着你沉睡的样子，就让我有种想抱你的冲动。可我不可以这么做。不可以。我现在心很不安。我现在...面对着你的当儿...又能怎样......？

昨天才刚update我的blog,没想到那么快又要update了。我该说我高兴，还是伤心？有种歇斯底里的感觉。哈哈...我真有够笨的啦。明知故犯。哈哈哈哈哈...我几时才会学聪明点？哈哈哈...说实在的，我真的很希望现在有个能让我躺的肩膀，这还算有点安慰。哭过了，也许会好些......我说过，我坚持的，我必坚持下去，我一定等。等待是我的专长。这事情的发生，确实好难过，也感到可惜，只能怪自己还没做足到一百分。就当作是一种考验吧，这考验毕竟还没结束。Mel啊，加油哦，不能再轻易认输了。现在能做的，就是一直陪伴在你身旁，做你的后备。只要你需要任何东西，我一定帮你到底。刚才也在youtube找到我最爱的歌。虽然它没有弹得像我在广场听到的那么感人，但至少我找到这首歌的钢琴版本。希望有一天我还能再听到当天那么动人的版本，好让我再为这首歌落泪......而另一首歌，是我想对你说的。