I am ugly

Haiz....kinda sleepy right now,had insomnia for two nights. This is crazy!!! Insomnia is killing and torturing me!!! This morning woke up,quite energetic that time. But after 4 or 5 hours,i started to feel sleepy and tired again. Side-effect of insomnia. Apalah ni. Well when i was at church, i was told by a friend of mine that she couldn't recognise me when she saw me and how come i prettier? Lol.... This is what i can only give.

Am I really pretty? I admit i'm don't look bad,but i admit that i'm not pretty as those pretty and sexy chicks. Though im look ok,still,i feel i'm very ugly.

I am ugly. I found this out yesterday in church. When I look at the mirror,i wore nicely,but i am ugly. I was wondering. Why?? Yesterday was Jonathan Tse's concert. He shared some messages,and we sang respond song,Amazing Grace. There,I found out the reason why I am ugly. I cried.

I am ugly,because of my ugly past.
I am ugly,because of the sin I did.

Yet,i feel do not deserve him. Sorry dear. He said he doesn't mind,because everything is a new start. Indeed,it is. But i feel unfair for you because my past,my dear. The truth is,i really love him.

It is also the same,i do not deserve Him too,our Father God. By all His grace,yet,i know,not matter how unworthy,still God loves us. He sacrificed His only son Jesus Christ to die on cross for our sin. How great is this love. God,indeed,you are the most amazing and wonderful God. By His grace,i was provided and blessed by God. One of it is the relationship I having now. I'm thankful for everything He gave,blessed and protected. Thank you God.

And thanks,darling,for everything. Your love,your embrace......

After Jonathan Tse's concert,this song keeps on playing in my mind. I remember when I was in Sunday School,we used to sing that. I Have Decided.

I have decided...to follow Jesus...
I have decided...to follow Jesus...
I have decided...to follow Jesus...
No turning back...no turn...ing back......

Christian's life never easy. And everything that gone through and past,there is no turning point. Yet,live in Godly way,follow God,and continue to move on.

Yes,I am ugly. I have decided to follow God. And I know God is moving,I am moving,my life is changing. All these are because of our Almighty God. Hallelujah.

Almost end of February

It has been months I didn't update my blog. Well,so far so good. Just felt that wasted my February as last few weeks I're having my holiday in my hometown and only sit in front of my laptop everyday. Argh.

Well,it is happy and excited that I've came back to PJ. Miss my dear so much within that 3 weeks. Keep on counting how many days left till the day i come back. Yes,I'm back,last Saturday. Yay!!!

The next day,Sunday,had a belated Valentine's date with my darling. Thanks,dar. I enjoyed the night. He brought me to Garden at 1-Utama for dinner. Nice food, nice atmosphere, nice piano. Everything so romantic and it is like still Valentine's Day. Like people always says,for couples,everyday is Valentine's Day. Then,we went for movie,Green Hornet. It was not as bad as people comment and rate it. The way Jay Chou act and English that he spoke quite impress me. Jay Chou,well done,finally you know how to speak English. Hoping for nice movie and nice songs from you in future.

Monday,I'm kinda excited and can't wait to go back to university to register for my degree. After took my result,i was told to go to the Admission counter to go through my result approval. You know why? My CGPA got 2.30,and the required credit is 2.33. Man,just 0.03 different. They said have to wait for 2-3 days,and my housemates told me to wait until after the orientation week. Argh. Miss out the orientation week,but another extra week for me to settle down. Yet,I can say,I'm still worrying that will they allow me to further my degree. Most of them said that it is possible to further.

Still,God,help me. I have faith in You. Like what bishop had preached last Saturday. Must have faith in God. Nothing is impossible when you believe and have faith in God. You have faith,but you doubt,it is same as you not trust God. So,believe and trust it will all your heart. I believe this. God has His plan for every single person. We must walk in FAITH.

That night,we went to watch Yogi Bear. It is a nice movie too. Darling said that it is good that I choose to watch it because Yogi Bear makes me happy when i'm stress that time. Dear,you right. At least I'm relax a bit.

Yesterday,Wednesday,went to darling's house to cook lunch. Well,I'm happy with what i cooked. And my dear and his housemate enjoyed it too. Thanks for support. Haha... Night then,we had prayer meeting at church. Through the prayer meeting,I realized that in our daily life,there is a lot of things that we seldom or never pray for. And of course,last night we had the opportunity to pray for it. I'm glad that everyone and the church is moving and growing. Thanks God. Praise to You!

Aha,one thing,quite excited that darling is going to record the 1st song for his 2nd album later evening. Yay!!! Can't wait to listen and buy and get his autograph again for his 2nd album. Haha... Yes,I mean. Wish you all the best dear. Gambatte. I'll always support you.

Now,still looking forward some positive updates for my degree registration. Hope that everything run smoothly and i manage to further my degree. And also hope that one day I can follow my dear to go to his concert. Can't wait for that. Just uphold everything to God's almighty hand. =)

Bye bye 2010,Hi hi 2011

Few hours ago just entered 2011. Yeah! Should be happy. Last night was the first time I celebrated New Year Eve in FCC. Wow...it was a fruitful and meaningful night. We celebrated through prayer meeting. During the prayer meeting,when we prayed,a lot of things started to flashback in my mind again. Throughout the whole year,I really been through a lot of things that I never expected or things that i wished not happen. End up,it still. Some sort of misery coming back. Well,yes,most of the things I been through were quite sad,unfortunate and sad. I lost a lot of things...... But I admitted that 2010 was a fruitful and interesting year. Why? God entered my life and I felt His presence. Before I came here to study,I know a bit about God and my faith in God was not that strong. And also a lot of things that I couldn't overcome. After I came here,I started to go FCC. I learned a lot of things basically and I came to know God more. The faith kept growing. And a lot of things which i couldn't overcome,finally now I can overcome. Happy that I could see God really changing my life. I once lost,as mentioned,but I was found,and God restored me for the things I lost. God loves me so much. And I just want to give thanks. It is hard to describe in words. Thank you Father God for the wonderful 2010,thank you Father God that You let so many things happened in previous year so that I learn and grow from it,thank you Father God that take away and restore me for what I lost,thank you Father God that You blessed me and gave me a wonderful relationship,etc. So many things to give thanks. Father God,pray that may Your presence always be with me.
New year,new day,new life,new plan,new aim,new phone,new age,new...etc.
During prayer meeting,I had set a wishlist or aims for 2011. Hopefully I can make it.
Wishlist:
1.I can make it and succeed in my study
2.Have a fruitful and happy relationship and continue to grow in it
3.I can plan and manage things well
4.Plan for future(relationship)
5.Serve God more(that's one of the way to give thanks to God)
6.Forgive those who I haven't forgive(hope this can overcome it as soon as possible)
Happy New Year everyone. Enjoy the new year and the new life. And also continue to glorify His name. =)

Special one,a special gift from God

Haha... I mentioned in previous post that I will talk about this in next post. Ya. Special one. It was quite a period ago,something bad happened to me. What a disgrace. Anyway,I learnt from the mistakes,I learnt from this "tribulation". I guess God let this happened purposely. Anyway,thanks God that He loves me so much. He allowed it happened as to test and let me learn from it,He still keep on protect and love me though. Thank you,Father God. Of course,I did not lose but I gained,in experience,faith and also relationship with God. After quite a period after that matter,God blessed me with someone special. Hehe... Well,he is special as who he is. A person who is devoted to God,has dream and will plan for future,talented,caring,etc. Haha....Too many,have no idea to write out all. We have the same thing to aim in future. Well,I guess that is one of the points which we started together recently. Hehe... God blessed me with a new relationship too. Thank you,Father God. After this relationship started,of course,I did learn a lot too,for instance,love. We learn together,grow together. We do have faith in each other,and of course,we do love each other very much,as our love towards each other increase everyday. Hmm... Feels like this is a special relationship that I never had before.
Father God always surprise me.^^
Father God,thank you for the gifts that You gave. I pray that Father God,You will continue to protect and bless our relationship,and also lead us to the way that You want us to go together. Use us to glorify Your name as well. Thank you,Father God.
I hope that this will be my last relationship and hope that we can hold our hands together till the end of the day. Maybe it sounds like I'm daydreaming or too naive,but then,this is what I want,a pure and simple love and happiness from beloved one. Love you,always. ^_^♥♥♥

Long Monday...

Monday always a long long long long day to go. It sounds like an endless day. Argh...
Today I don't know what happened to me. The thought of changing course keep on appears in my mind which makes me so want to change course NOW. Change course it's not easy too as you have to consider a lot,college,condition,tuition fees,for instance. Well,I'm still very confuse that should I change my course or continue to study it. I thought to change to psychology. Study person's behavior is one of the things I interested in. But then,how about my aim? I do have aims of course,which is to build a special building and house for special one. Hehe... We talk about that special one in another post. Back to topic. I more interested in study psychology compare to architecture. But then,what if i do not interested in psychology again after study it??? It sounds like 3 minutes for things that I do then. God,show me the way You want me to go. Or maybe I should decide it after I finished my foundation course. If I could not pass my foundation course and further degree,I will change immediately. If I passed,then bo ben lo. God,I uphold everything to You,please show me the way. Amen.

Father God sets me free when I am stress.

Just now,I was so stress. Why? When I draw,even traced it,I found out I can't even draw!I did pray to God before I start drawing. Then I start draw,but can't. I started to struggle and stress. I felt like wanna give up in studying this course. I so wanna quit. But I can't do so. Then I find my friend,somehow,it seems like nothing else could help me. I posted a post in my wall. And some of my friends started to comment on it. I find another friend of mine,then we started to our point of view. He then recommended me a friend which I just knew last Saturday. He did give me some advises. In the meanwhile when we did all these,I suddenly cried. I cried not because I'm stress,it is because I felt God is there with me all the time! It is hard to describe in words how are those feelings feel like. Those feelings are too strong which caused me started to cry. Father God,thank you. I must admit that Father God is always beside me and in my heart. My share group leader and other members in FCC ever said that must have faith in God,miracles will happen then. It is true. It is so true. Why I say so? Wherever I go,whatever I doing,God is here with me,24/7. He never leave me for even half of the second! He protects me every time,He blesses my everyday life,He let me learn and grow through all things that happened in my life no matter how bad it is. Father God so loves me. I'm so touch and can't stop crying,seriously. The feelings is so strong. Father God,thank you for Your grace and mercy. Thank you for everything that You granted me. Thank you everything that You gave me. Thank you so much.

PS: Friends of mine,if you always blaming this and that in your life,do you ever think of the reasons why things happen? Seek for God's help,rely Him more and more,and also have faith in Him. Read more bible too,so we know what God wants to tell us. How wonderful and beautiful He is.^^

Thank you,Father,the most wonderful God.^^

我回来了

放了一个月多的假，终于也到了个尾声。一个月，说来长不长，短不短，不长不短。就在这短短的一个月里，确实感受了很多、体验了很多、想了很多、发生了很多的事。回来家乡的同时，是带着一个沉重的心情回来。事情每天不断地在演变，让人摸不着。回来了，我的家。因之前发生太多事，就想说回到来，就静静地，享受和度过一个宁静又轻松的假期。但事情没想得那么天真。事情还未结束，因还未解决。才回到来不到几天，却急着想回去大学生活的地方。为求的只是想尽快解决当时遇到的烦恼.事情闹得那么僵，我们之间也开始有距离。该相信他或不，是件很矛盾的事情。虽然口口声声说不相信他的一切（那是对自己残忍，好让自己不继续爱下去的方式），但到头来，还是傻傻的相信他。是自己在给希望自己，还是太心软？因此,也就emo了三个星期。三个星期？！哇靠。既然彼此都答应了对方某些事，我就暂时不再提。又过了一阵子，他音讯全无。想说找找他。却没想到他发生了一些事。觉得自己真的很没用，因为自己帮不了他，而且也不能在他身边陪着他，支持他。真失败......烦恼从不曾离开过我，反而越来越多。肩膀好重......假期放完了，也回来了。本来带着一颗很期待的心回来。可是会到来，把所有东西做完了。约定好的，却被放空。找不到人，我又能说什么？想坚持，但很累。我现在又能怎样？我回来了，不是一直被期待的吗？他现在又在何处？T_T原来去到哪都那么痛苦......